Maine Creative Momma

Ah, routine. This may be one of your favorite words. Or per the idea of it sends ice into your veins and makes your stomach tie in knots.

When you think of “routine” do you imagine a strict schedule, every second of the day accounted for down to the minute?

Or do you see a list of “to do” activities that you just need to get you and your kids through between the time everyone wakes up and goes to bed?

Perhaps you think routine means that there is no room for fun or spontaneity in your life.

Well, let me help you draw a more realistic picture of what routine can be and what it can mean for your family. First, I want to set the stage by saying that what I’m sharing here is what works for our family with a toddler and a newborn. As we grow this will change but I imagine that the general framework will remain largely the same. This routine is also designed based on how my husband & I operate best, which is super important too! You need to structure your own needs into the routine of your kid(s), otherwise you’ll find yourself constantly trying to create more time in the day. And that is a recipe for disaster!

To understand why our routine is the way it is, let me share a few personal things about myself. I personally thrive on routine and muscle memory. Not having to give a lot of thought to my days general structure is just what works best for me. This, however, is a learned trait that I have. There was a time, many years ago, that this was not the case! When I met my husband our days were total opposite – he was working a full time job and I was a college student. So I was up till 4 am, which was generally when he was just getting to work! I also was constantly running from place to place, was late for everything, often getting up and going to work with wet hair in a bun. I was a mess.

Thankfully Matt was not! He had a schedule and a routine that shocked me. Everyday he was up at 2 am to be at the gym by 3. He was at work between 4-5 am. Our do work early afternoon & home to take care of his house (laundry, cooking, etc.). Bed time was about 7 PM.

To me, a crazy 23 year old who couldn’t get out of her own way to dry my hair, this whole system seems crazy! How could you possibly be so disciplined?!

It turns out that Matt just had a routine.

And if I wanted to be in his life I’d have to figure out FAST how to be part of that routine. Now, don’t think I jumped on the bandwagon of going to the gym at 3 am. No thank you! But I did start to pick up on how to create similarities in my day to make things easier.

Once we got serious and moved in together, our routines changed. Matt started working more traditional hours (6-3 or 7-4) and I got a regular Monday – Friday, 9-5 job. Our mornings went from going to the gym to drinking coffee in bed or going for a walk. We started watching Jeopardy at 7:30 every night. Bedtime moved to 8/8:30 so our days could still start around 4 comfortably. I started learning how to meal prep and set up food for the week ahead so dinner time would be easier.

What we didn’t know as young, childless adults was that we were building up the muscles we needed to be disciplined and have a ROUTINE! We were practicing to be parents without giving it a lot of thought.

Fast forward several years (more than we had planned, but that’s another story for another day), and we found ourselves somehow driving home very slowly with a newborn in October 2022. We were excited, nervous, anxious, and beyond in love with him!

As Ollie moved through the natural stages of life, we began to see how he thrived on routines! Even at as little as 2 months old, he came to understand that tubby time was followed by a bubba then a cuddle with mommy in the rocking chair and then bed. We could watch him anticipate the next event just based on what he experienced everyday.

Fast forward to Ollie being one, and then routine became a huge part of our lives. With him “coming more online” and starting to verbalize what he wanted to do, it became more and more apparent to us that we needed to help him structure his day. Matt and I also wanted to have some routine ourselves and some normality back after a year of sleepless nights, baby colds and eating dinner at odd times that were never together.

So we talked about what was most important to us and came up with a list of things that were nonnegotiable to us. Those included:

• Time for coffee in the morning, preferably in bed.
• Homemade dinner at the table every night.
• Bath time or shower time before bed to relax Ollie.
• Both of us involved in getting Ollie into his PJs and having a bottle to go to bed.

From that, we came up with a few systems that have worked well for us! Below is what we could call a “normal” day for us now (he’s two) – normal meaning that this happens generally 5 out of 7 days a week. That may not always correlate to week days mind you!

• Ollie usually wakes up between 4:30-5:30 am. One of us gets him up (diaper changed) and the other goes to get “morning beverages”, milk for him and coffee for us. Momma nurses the baby.
• We have our beverages till about 6 AM then mom and dad get showered and dressed.
• Everyone piles downstairs to get breakfast and pack lunches. Ollie goes back and forth with breakfast. We find most often that a breakfast bar on the ride to school is better for him than trying to sit down for eggs and toast!*
• By 7:30 we are out the door to get Ollie to daycare. And thus concludes the morning routine.
• Ollie gets home from daycare by 4:30-5 right now. If it’s nice out we play outside to get some energy out and fresh air.
• Everyone, including the newborn, sits down at the dinner table at 5:30 for supper. Like most toddlers, dinner is hit or miss. Sometimes he eats like a champ and other times we are scraping pasta off the dogs back. It just depends on the day!
• At 6 we ask Ollie if he would like a tubby, to which he usually yells “Yeah!”. We walk up the stairs like a big boy (although now that we carry the newborn up and down the stairs, Ollie is wanting to be carried again!).
• In the tubby we brush teeth and do our affirmations (more on that in another post). Tub lasts about 10 minutes if we are lucky.
• Everyone goes to Ollie’s room for PJ time! The newborn goes in Ollie’s crib and we get him dressed into his PJs.
• Then it’s into the rocking chair with a parent and a bottle. We still rock him to sleep most nights, but that is slowly going away as he gets bigger.

In general, Ollie is asleep by 7/7:15.

Realistically, the way we know this routine sticks is that when we take the time out of the equation it all still flows through! When we have traveled, for example, Ollie still follows the same routine but the timing may be off.

Your routine may look totally different, but I would encourage you to do the following when creating yours!

1. List out the key objectives of each day (bathing, eating, etc.) and consider how you want those to look. Is bath / shower in the morning or night? Do we eat all meals at the table or can we live with a car ride breakfast?
2. Consider what you value when it comes to family time. Is dinner together crucial or are you ok to eat after the toddler goes to bed? Who is involved in getting ready for sleep or getting dressed in the morning?
3. Think about YOUR NEEDS as the parent and decide what you want to have built into the routine.
4. Write out a “perfect day” schedule and then modify that back to what is realistic. Think something will take 10 minutes? Double it to 20. Shave off the “fat” and get really clear on what NEEDS to be done daily.
5. Think about how you can include your kids in the day to day household chores schedule- making lunch, dinner clean up. Toddlers are actually natural helpers so give them a chance to do it!

Remember, not everyday will be perfect or go right. The goal of a routine isn’t to be so rigid that you can’t bend. It’s a system that is designed to help keep your little one regulated and help them know what is expected to happen.

You’ve got this! Go forth and create routine!!